幽默英语话剧剧本
我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)
刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
强盗burglars(abandc)
prologue 序幕
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？
act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼):yes madam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)
（One day, the class is over,student A and B walk together.）
A: Labour Day is coming, we should relax a little on vacation, what are you going to do.
B: I have no idea no.How about you?
A: I intend to go to the Baotu Spring,It’s said that it is a good interest of place.
B: En,yes,it is the first spring of the world.
A: Why not go with me? I believe you will be satisfied with it.
B: About it let me think.
(Student A and B come acoss C.)
C:Hi!What do you discuss?
A:Hi!We are talking about the plan of the Labor Day.
C:Where do you plan to go?
A: Baoto Spring.Visit together?
C: Oh! No! I have been there in the Tomb Sweeping Day.
B: Really?How about the sight of it?
C: Very great!There are so many birds and trees.When I go there I was attracted by the beauty of the scenery deeply.
B: Really?
C: Yes.The surroundings is so good,beyond description.There are some photoes in my moblephone,have a look.
B: How great!Is this Baotu Spring?
C: Oh,no!It is Baizheng Spring.In fact,there are many other springs,such as Mapao Spring,Dukang Spring whose funtain(泉水) is so clear and sweet.
A: It sounds great!Are there some fishes in these springs?You know I like fish very much.
C: Oh.There are many kinds of fishes with different colors, red, black, even colorful .I am sure you will be lost in the beautiful scenery.
B: En,it is a great meal to eyes.My desire to visit there become stronger and stronger.
C: It is only a part of the Baotu Spring.
A: It is said that there are many historical relics,such as Memorical Hall of Li Qingzhao.
C: Oh,yes!Except it,Jinan Massacre(惨案) Memorical Hall is also worth visiting.The Massacre is our stigma(耻辱),which happened on May Third.
A: It is of great significance to pay a visit on Labor Day.
B: Wonderful! I decide to visit there.
A: Ok！
C: May you have a good time!
A: Thank you!What about you ?
C: En,I want to climb Mount Tai.
A: Mount Tai?Unattainable feeling!
B: It is so famous for its majesty(雄伟).
A: When you go there?I mean when you climb the Mount Tai,Evening?
C: Of course.I intend to watch the sunrise.The view from the top of the hill was superb(美丽极了).
B: A good pursuit!I hear that the top of the Mount Tai is very cold,you’d better wear enough clothes.
A: en, health and strength is above all gold.
C: Oh, yes! Thanks for your advice.Now I have to search some information about how to get to Mount Tai. See you later!
A:Take care of yourself!
B:See you!
D: Hi, what are you doing? Is it Student C?
B: Oh, he is busy preparing to go on holiday.
D: Holiday?
A: En, yes, Labor Day, we intend to go to Baotu Spring. What’s your plan?
D: Oh, I don’t have an idea. Now I’m not sure if I have a free time.
B: Why? What happened?
D: you know, I have applied for the National Sports Volunteer, the train may be started recently.
B: That is a pity!
D: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to climb Mount Tai. As a Shandong person, it is very pity not to climb Mount Tai.
A: Never mind. It’s also meaningful to train as a volunteer.
D: Of course, on the other hand, my dream can also come true on Summer Day, in a word; I believe I can reach the top of Mount Tai some day.
B: May you make it!
A: Where there is a will there’s a way.
D: Thanks, have a wonderful time, see you later.
A: See you!
（一天，下课了，学生A和B走在一起。）
A：劳动节快到了，我们假期应该放松一下，你打算怎么办。
B：不知道。你呢？
A：我打算去趵突泉，据说那是个很有意思的地方。
B：是的，这是世界上第一个春天。
A：为什么不和我一起去呢？我相信你会满意的。
B：让我想想。
（学生C走过A和B。）
C：嗨！你在讨论什么？
A：嗨！我们正在讨论劳动节的计划。
C：你打算去哪里？
A：宝图春天，一起去吗？
C：哦！不！清明节我去过那里。
A：真的吗？看到它怎么样？
C：太好了！那里有许多鸟和树，当我去那里时，我被美丽的景色深深地吸引住了。
B：真的吗？
C：是的，环境太好了，无法形容。我的手机里有一些照片，你看看。
B：太好了！这是趵突泉吗？
C：哦，不！它是百正泉，其实还有很多其他的泉，比如麻婆泉、都康泉，它们的作用是(泉水) 是那么的清澈甜美。
A：听起来太好了！这些泉水里有鱼吗？你知道我很喜欢鱼。
C：哦，有很多种不同颜色的鱼，红的，黑的，甚至五颜六色的。我相信你会在美丽的景色中迷失。
B：嗯，这是一顿美餐，我想去那里的愿望越来越强烈了。
C：这只是趵突泉的一部分。
A：据说有很多历史遗迹，比如李清照纪念堂。
C：哦，是的！除了济南大屠杀(惨案) 纪念馆也值得一游。大屠杀是我们的耻辱(耻辱),发生在五月三日。
A：劳动节来参观，意义重大。
B：太好了！我决定去参观那里。
A：好的
C：祝你玩得愉快！
A：谢谢！你呢？
C：嗯，我想爬泰山。
A：泰山？高不可攀的感觉！
B：它以它的威严而闻名(雄伟).
A：你什么时候去？我是说你爬泰山的时候，晚上？
C：当然。我打算去看日出。从山顶上看的景色好极了(美丽极了).
B：很好的追求！听说泰山山顶很冷，你最好穿上足够的衣服。
A：嗯，健康和力量是最重要的。
C：哦，是的！谢谢你的建议。现在我要查一些去泰山的信息。再见！
A:保重！
B：再见！
D：嗨，你在干什么？是学生C吗？
B：哦，他正忙着准备去度假。
D：假期？
A：是的，劳动节，我们打算去趵突泉。你的计划是什么？
D：哦，我不知道。现在我不确定我是否有空。
B：为什么？怎么搞的？
D：你知道，我已经申请了国家体育志愿者，火车可能最近才开始。
B：太遗憾了！
D：是的，我一直想爬泰山。作为一个山东人，不登泰山是很可惜的。
A：没关系。作为一名志愿者进行培训也是有意义的。
D：当然，另一方面，我的梦想也可以在夏天实现，一句话；我相信有一天我能登上泰山的顶峰。
B：祝你成功！
A：有志者事竟成。
D：谢谢，玩得开心，回头见。
A：再见！
英语话剧的注意事项
1、首先，组员要熟悉理解剧本，能够充分理解剧本的内容，然后进行表情和细节性的标注，这样会有助于现场的拍摄，同样进行一幕一幕的划分，这样不会使组员太过紧张忘词。
2、其次就是准备道具，一定要全，老师会很在意我们在细节方面的用心程度，倘若我们精心地准备了道具的话，会给老师留下一个不错的印象，很容易得高分。
3、然后就是角色的分配，一定要合理，要根据人们在现实生活中的性格进行分配，这样有助于增加话剧的真实性，从而更生动，同时也要考虑到不同组员的英语水，要考虑周全。
4、然后最最最重要的便是背台词，一定要理解，切记，当我们感觉一句话念不通的时候，可以用简单句进行改写，便于背诵也便于理解，不一定一字不差的照着剧本背，这样也违背了我们学英语的初衷。
5、然后便是拍摄，注意的是情感的投入尤其是表情，还有就是拍摄的角度一定要合理，符合当时情景。进行一幕一幕地拍摄，中途有适当的休息。然后就是尽量多个角度进行切镜头，这样效果会好很多。
Characters: Narrator(N),Salesman(S),Dad(D),Maggi(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation:学校布景,做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景
Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty sale sman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello,do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate.My candies arevery popular,I don’t know why.The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,he hehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)
Scene2（At the school gate）
N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let’s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I’m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
M&A: Money?(对视)
M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let’s ask dad for money.
M: But how to ask?
A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）
M: Good idea!(全部下场)
Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）
N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)
M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)
A: And play the guitar for us!
M: We know you play so well!
(爸爸诧异地看着孩子)
D: Oh? What a bright day today!
M&A: Please, dad!(哀求)
D:OKOK! Let’s.
(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?
M&A: Of course!
(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。)
D: What’s the matter?
M: Dad, we have no money!
A: Can we have some please?
D: I think you have lots of pocket money ,and you don’t need any more.
M:I want to buy some candies at the school gate.
A: They look so sweet and nice!
M: Other students always buy them!
D: But……You can’t ! They are quite unhealthy. Please go and do your homework..(置之不理，转头看报，孩子回到房间)
M: What shall we do now?
A: Let me think …well, I know!(轻声在Maggie耳边说)
M: Oh, you are so clever! Let’s go.(回到爸爸身边)
M: Dad, I want a new eraser!
A: I want a longer ruler!
M&A: Dad, please！
D: Things are expensive these days. We have to save money!
M: But dad, my eraser is too small now!(拿出破橡皮来给爸爸看)
A: And my ruler is broken.（拿出断尺）
D: OK, children. I believe you this time, make sure, don’t buy the food at the school gate. It’s unhealthy! Do you know?
M&A: Yes, sir!
D: Here you are !( 给钱)
M&A: Thanks very much, dad! Bye!(非常高兴，下场)
N: The next day, when the class is over ,Maggie and Alice come to the salesman again. They are happy to buy the candies and then have them, but soon they feel a stomachache.
(孩子高兴地买了糖，边吃边回家，小贩下场，孩子到家后肚子痛)
M: Aiyo!……（两人躬着背进场）
A: …….
D: What’s wrong?
M: I’ve a stomachache!
A: Me too!
D: What did you eat? The food at the school gate?
M: Yes. We had some candies just now.
A: I had some too!
D: Oh! You’ve cheated me! You bought the candies instead of the eraser and ruler. I always tell you that don’t buy the food at the school gate, they are unhealthy!（生气）
M: But they look nice!
A: And tastes good!
M&A: Aiyo……
D:Well, Let’s go to the salesman together and have a look!
M&A: OK.
Scene 4: (At the school gate)
N: When they get to the school gate, a policeman is asking the salesman to go away.
(正走到校门口，发现警察驱赶校门口的小贩)
P: Hey! You shouldn’t stay here, leave now!
C: Let’s go home, let’s go home! (轻声并拉小贩)
S: No! My candies are nice and popular here! And…
C: You are telling a lie! I’m very dirty and unhealthy!
M&A: Dad, it’s him! Aiyo…（指着小贩）
D: He?
(警察走过来问爸爸，朝小孩)
P: What’s the matter with them?
D: They got a stomachache after having his candies.
S: Really? But I’ve never heard of it. And……
P: Stop, stop!(打断小贩) Look at the two girls! Are you guilty? You must be honest with the students, and don’t sell candies any more.（非常严厉）
S: OK. I know. (羞愧)
C: Let’s go home. Let’s go home.
Policeman(对小孩): Girls, please listen! Don’t buy the candies next time. They are bad for your health.
D: Yes, he is right. And you shouldn’t tell a lie to me. Try to be an honest person! Will you?
M&A: OK, dad!
P: Let’s take them to the hospital now.
D: OK, Let’s go.
N（出场）: A few days later, the girls recovered. And this story is trying to tell you that some of the phenomenon must be kept down, we hope it could be improved soon.
中文在电脑上可以转换！
幽默英语话剧剧本视频
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